Of Maps and Cloaks
by Mrs. Ron Weasley1
Summary: Sirius gets hungry and a nighttime stroll to the kitchens leads to more than he and Remus had bargained for. *slash*


A/N: This one goes out to Ishtaёl, in the honor of her dirty mind.  Without her, this story would never have been written (therefore, address all complaints to her. ;))  

_~~~~~_

"_Of Maps and Cloaks, Or Why a Good Charm is a Terrible Thing to Waste"_

_~~~~~_

"None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks." – Remus Lupin, "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"

_~~~_

If Remus Lupin had known what he was in for this seemingly normal Friday night, he might not have been this easily persuaded into doing _anything_ by his friend Sirius Black.  Unfortunately, hindsight was called that for a reason.  And the young werewolf was now torn between wanting to scream bloody murder at his dearest friend or…well.  That, of course, was largely the reason for the confusion.

~*~

_Two hours earlier, The Gryffindor common room…_

~*~

"C'mon, James, heeeelp!" whined Sirius, bobbing up and down on the balls of his feet.  "I need you to help me!  Pleeeeaaaaase!"  His hands were clasped together in a pleading manner, and his whole appearance was rather pathetic and un-Sirius-like.  James, however, didn't seem to care at all and was standing firm.

"No, Padfoot.  I've got to study.  My mother won't let me into the house if I don't get enough N.E.W.T.'s, and I like my house very much and would like to be able to sleep in my own bed, as opposed to the doghouse." James didn't look up, continuing to leaf through "_The Guide to the Most N.E.W.T.'s –  Secrets Behind Every Student's Success Story"_.  Sirius, seemingly tired of pleading and acting like a blustering idiot, huffed in exasperation and turned to his next victim, this time turning on the charm.  

"Moony?  You aren't busy, are you?" 

"No, Padfoot, not at all.  In fact, please _do_ ignore the enormous tome in front of me that says 'Advanced Transfiguration' and the half-filled parchment, and pay no attention to the quill in my hand whatsoever."  Remus was having a very difficult time hiding his smile – Sirius could be so much fun to tease when he was desperate.  

And desperate he was.  He had missed dinner because of an assignment he was working on with some Ravenclaw, and was now hoping to run down to the kitchens and nick something from the house elves.  Why he needed somebody else was unclear, but Remus guessed it had been due to Sirius' almost catastrophic attempt at an escape about a week ago. 

"REMUS!"  

God, was that almost a shriek?  

"Yes?" Remus lifted his head and looked at Sirius calmly.  

"You have _got_ to help, James is being an arse and Peter is being a total coward after what McGonagall threatened him with.  Please?"  If Sirius were to kneel in front of him on his hands and knees and bang his head on the floor the picture would have been complete.  But Remus wasn't that cruel.  He just liked to have a little fun once in a while.  He crossed his arms at his chest and furrowed his brow thoughtfully.

"And what will _I_ get out of it, I wonder?"  

Sirius' face broke into a beaming grin. "Whatever you want, Moony, as long as I can get it!"

"Hmmm…  How about…" What did he want?  _Aside from the obvious?_  Where had that come from?  _No, no, stupid prat, something else…  _"Hmmm…  A case of butterbeer next time we're in Hogsmeade?"  That should be sufficient, he decided.

"Done!" Sirius straightened up and shook Remus' hand pompously.  Remus grinned and began putting away his assignment.  It wasn't due until next week, anyway.  

"Oy, Prongs!" Sirius once again strode over to the exasperated Potter and leaned in.  Remus could make out the words above the general clatter of the common room. 

"So, c'n we borrow the, er, item?" 

"No," James answered, not looking up.

"No?!"  Sirius' eyebrows rose into his hairline.

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because, Padfoot, last time I let you borrow it, you nearly ripped it in half falling down the stairs.  I don't trust you with it anymore."

"James, I'm deeply hurt and offended!" Sirius put a demonstrative hand to his chest and even sniffed for good measure.

"Sirius, you thought it was Mrs. Norris, when it turned out to be somebody's exhausted owl.  You need to have your eyes examined, and I won't have you tearing my cloak every time you pass a slimy rat.  No offense, Peter." James smiled at Peter who gave something vaguely resembling a grin and then immersed himself in his Divination charts once again, nearly crying in frustration.

"What are we supposed to do, then?"     

"Use the map.  That should be sufficient."  His tone brooked no refusal. 

Sirius sighed and looked like he had accepted his fate.  Remus walked over to his bag and produced an inconspicuous-looking piece of parchment, quickly hiding it from view inside his pocket.  They would simply have to be a bit more creative, that was all.  

Beckoning Sirius over to him, Remus led the way out of the common room.  Just before they left, he noticed the eyes of the lovesick Adrianna Bickens on him and hastened his step.  He really didn't like some of the looks that girl had been sending his way lately.  

As the pair heard the portrait shut behind them, Remus whipped out their greatest creation.

"_I solemnly swear that I am up to no good_," he said as he touched his wand to the parchment.  Lines began zigzagging across it, intertwining, and forming the plan of the entire castle, complete with dots for occupants.  They both peered at it, looking for any and all who could put a grudging stop to their adventure.  Seeing that no one was around the kitchens, the seventh-years both set off down the stairs.  So far, at least, they were not breaking any rules.  

"So, Moony, what do you think of your little fan, eh?" asked Sirius, grinning at him and raising an eyebrow.  They had just begun their journey which would eventually lead them through six floors, down the staircase of the entrance hall and through a door on the left to it, finally leading to a merry-looking corridor decorated with paintings of food.  Hogwarts was nothing if not large. 

"Ugh," Remus groaned and looked away, hating the fact that he was turning crimson.  "I don't.  Or at least try not to…  Why does she have to keep _staring_ like that?"  

"She _fancies_ you, Moony!  Who wouldn't like _that_?!"  Sirius laughed, jumping down the last stair and turning to walk down the next flight.  

"Sure," Remus kept up, "You're used it to, the infamous Sirius Black and all – _your_ fan club comprises most of Hogwarts."

"Well," Sirius began gruffly, "I wouldn't say _most_ of Hogwarts…  Actually, you know what?  I would!"  He winked and Remus snorted.  

"You're too cocky for your own good, Padfoot, it'll come back and bite you on the arse one of these days," he shot back and ran ahead of his friend.  

"Ah, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing, now, does it?"  Sirius seemed completely unperturbed by his fate, and Remus decided that he really didn't want to know.  Or…something… 

"Yeah, all right," he answered in a calm sort of way, and turned abruptly to head through the door leading to the kitchen corridor.  Sirius panted as he kept up, and they both practically ran as they heard a whooshing sound behind them accompanied by the unmistakable sinister cackling of Peeves.  Remus quickly whipped out the map and saw that the obnoxious poltergeist was headed towards a dot named "Severus Snape", which was unsurprisingly located somewhere near the Slytherin dungeons.  He let out a sigh of relief.  Let the greasy-haired Slytherin deal with the pest.

"C'mon, the coast is clear," he called out to Sirius, who was peering around the corner.  

They came up to the large painting that concealed what was perhaps the best room that Hogwarts had to offer, and Sirius extended an eager hand to tickle the pear.  It giggled and readily turned into a door handle.  

"Yes," hissed Sirius softly as he swung open the door, and Remus felt unexplainable chills running up and down his back.  It was strange and pleasant.  He wondered what the hell was wrong with him.  

His thoughts were interrupted, however, by the usual kitchen noises that erupted as he followed Sirius in.

"Sirs!  How may we help you, young sirs?  We is having lots of food here!"  Elves called out to them from all directions, beaming in recognition and ready to serve.  Remus saw Sirius's eyes sparkle as he clapped and rubbed his large hands together.  

"Ummm…  Well, Totty, what have you got?  Got any chicken?"  

Instantly, a tray filled to the brim with chicken legs was thrust into Sirius' hands, and Remus could practically feel the other boy drooling.  He looked on with interest – Sirius in the kitchens was always quite entertaining.

"Excellent!"  Sirius beamed.  "Ummm…you don't happen to have any potatoes, do you?  Got any pudding?  How 'bout eclairs?"  

Sirius looked as if this was his last night on Earth, wolfing down forkfuls of mashed potatoes, pudding, éclairs and chicken all at once.  Remus wondered how it was that his friend wasn't choking – or making himself sick.  He himself politely accepted an éclair from a house-elf, so as to not offend the friendly beings.  Sirius grinned and winked at him as he finished polishing his plate.  He chugged down some pumpkin juice with obvious satisfaction and sat back, rubbing his stomach.  Remus looked at his watch.  It was a new record, at four minutes and twenty seconds.  He'd have to tell James, he decided.

Finally, Sirius seemed ready to rejoin the world at large, as he got up heavily and headed for the door.  Thanking the hundreds of house-elves that made this meal possible, the boys slinked out into the empty hallway.  

"Hey, Moony, why don't you – _hic_ – check the –_hic_ – map, and see if there's anyone a-_hic_-around," said Sirius as he tried to get control of his breathing.  Remus chuckled and took the map out of the safety of his pocket.  Their heads were almost touching as they studied the parchment, and Remus once again felt a shiver run up and down his spine.  He suppressed the almost overwhelming urge to lean in closer and sniff Sirius to see if he smelled as good from up close, and concentrated on not getting in trouble.  

At first there was none.  Peeves seemed to be merrily bouncing around the third floor corridor, Filch was safely locked away in his office with his insufferable and seemingly immortal cat Mrs. Norris, and all the Professors looked to be otherwise occupied.  

"Excellent," Remus said and felt Sirius jump slightly.  His voice _did_ sound rather abrupt in the previous silence.  "I think this may be very easy…"  

Of course, he should have known better.  

"Well, since it's not really that late, Moony, what say you we go up to the astronomy tower – I haven't been up there in ages, and this castle is stifling me," offered Sirius.  

"Padfoot, we shouldn't roam around any later than, well, now, because who knows what might happen.  And we haven't got the cloak."  Remus knew that in the end Sirius would win out – he always played on Remus's semi-secret love for adventure – but tried reasoning first, nonetheless.  

"Aww, c'mon, Moony, where's the fun in that?  We won't get in trouble – we've got the map!  And in case anything goes wrong – which it won't – we'll just duck into some classroom, that's all.  Haven't we done this a million times before?"  

"Yes, but the cl –"

"Oh, forget the cloak, we're better than that!  Listen, Marauder's honor – we will not serve a minute of detention for this night."  To emphasize his point, Sirius pressed his right hand to his chest and bowed, grinning.  Remus groaned.  He would live to regret this decision, most likely sooner than later, but going back to the rather boring common room didn't seem very appealing, either.  Besides, how many chances did he get to be alone with Sirius like that?..  His thoughts trailed away from the dangerous direction they were headed in, and he quickly spoke:

"Fine, Sirius, but if we _do_ get caught, you will not see revenge coming until it's hit you over the arse like a bludger."  

"Deal," grinned Sirius and they were off.  

Up a staircase, through a corridor, up and up and up and through a maze of hallways all serving to escape any wondering creature, be it alive or dead, until they could almost feel the fresh air seeping through the closed door.      

"Ahhh!.."  Sirius breathed in deeply as they finally reached the very top of the tower.  "You know, it's almost springtime, Moony!  You can really smell it here, can't you?"

"Yes…it's wonderful," answered Remus slowly, surprised at his friend's statement.  Sirius normally liked to divide the seasons into Quidditch matches, and he rarely talked to any of his friends this openly about something as seemingly trivial as springtime smells.  However, Remus had long suspected that Sirius was more closed off than anyone realized, and he was suddenly grateful that his friend had chosen him to reveal this, however tiny, bit of himself.  "It's my favorite smell, actually…" Remus ventured further to try and lead Sirius towards more sincerity.  "Late March.  The earth is sort of…waking up, isn't it?"

"Yeah…"  Sirius was facing away from him and looking out at the barely visible hills whose tops shone silvery with the moonlight.  "You know, they should definitely extend our curfew on these nights.  I mean, spring – it makes everybody crazy, doesn't it?  It's sort of a nature's law, so why fight it?  Don't you think?"  Sirius now turned around and faced Remus, a curious expression on his face.  Remus certainly agreed, but he also wondered where this line of thought was headed.  Something about the way Sirius was looking at him made his stomach turn in a strangely pleasant sort of way and he almost wished that he was back at the common room where it was safe and his senses weren't being assaulted by the aforementioned sensations of spring.  The way Sirius' hair whipped lightly about his smiling face made it difficult to think just then.  

"Ummm, yeah…" Remus cleared his voice.  "I guess.  Listen, Pad – "

"Shhh…  C'mon, Moony, listen."  Sirius took a few bold steps towards him and pressed his index finger to Remus' lips.  The werewolf's eyes snapped up at him in shock, but Sirius was now looking somewhere above his head, his gaze holding a far away look.  "D'you hear that?  I think I heard a wolf in the forest…  You always sound much more convincing, though."  He still wouldn't look at him.  Remus could feel all the moisture leaving his throat and the lining of his mouth.  Sirius' finger was still pressed to his lips.  

"Ummm…  Sirius?"  

"Mmmm?"  Still no eye contact.  

"I won't talk, I promise.  You can…you can let my lips alone now."  Even as he said it, Remus felt emptiness, as if Sirius' finger had already gone.  But the feeling fled as quickly as it had come, replaced by a heated wave of shocked anticipation as the long finger pressed more firmly, and Sirius' gaze finally met his.  

"I…I don't think I want to…Remus," Sirius began and started leaning in.  Remus' heart sped up to a ludicrous pace.  Sirius was close now…_oh, God…_ a second…just another second and…

"What is it, my sweet?  Hear anyone?"  Filch's screechy voice penetrated Remus' senses like a bolt of lightning and he jumped away from Sirius just as fast.  He saw his own shock mirrored in Sirius' face and knew that they were done for.  

"Quick, look at the map, how close is he?!"  Sirius whispered urgently. 

"Um, okay, okay, hold on…"  Remus fumbled through his robe pockets and whipped out the map, looking wildly around the entire castle, the astronomy tower somehow evading his line of vision.  "Bugger, where the hell is it?!"

"Here!" Sirius snatched the map away from him and pressed his finger to their location.  "He's two flights down!  Quick, duck in here!  Come on, Moony!"  Sirius grabbed Remus' hand and they took off down the stairs, Remus hardly understanding anything that was going on around him.   He regained his senses, however, as a door came into their view, slightly ajar.  

"Sirius, in here!  Quickly!"  He ran inside, Sirius' footsteps in his wake.  "Oh, no, he'll see it, he'll come in here, what do we do?!"  Remus started pacing the room, wringing his hands.

"Wait, wait…  Didn't you say you had taught yourself some sort of temporary invisibility charm or something?"

"Yes, but it only works for about three minutes – and it's only for one person!  I can't cast it on you!"  Remus racked his brain for the proper incantation.  "Umm, oh God, oh, God, what do we do?!"

They both froze as they heard Filch's footsteps near their door.  Remus looked about him wildly, trying to find any place they could hide under, but it was a very frustratingly empty room.  

"What is it, sweet, is this a door?  Yes, yes, you're right, my dear, the horrible little buggers could be there – let's see, shall we?"  The caretaker's ragged breathing was coming closer and Remus felt his stomach drop.  

"Wait, I've got it!"  Relief washed over him as the incantation came to his mind a second later, and there was only one thing left to do.  "Get under here, Padfoot, quick!" And he pulled up his school robes.  He really wasn't thinking straight at all, but then, what Hogwarts student would, with Filch's nasty little cat a mere breath away?   Sirius was probably far from his lucid self, as well, as he ducked under Remus' robes.  A second – and a swish of a wand – later, they were both gone from view.  

~*~

And now there was nothing left to do but wait for the danger to pass.  Really, Sirius was very, _very_ lucky that Remus could think this quickly.  The werewolf knew that Sirius now owed him – big time.  He tried not to breathe as he felt his friend shift slightly right next to his crotch, which was now bearing the result of the dark-haired boy's proximity.  Oh, Sirius would pay for this.  If Remus didn't die of humiliation first, that is.    

Filch carefully opened the door.  His shifty yellowed eyes looked about the room with great suspicion, while his cat prowled around, meowing and looking indignant.  Horrible cat, thought Remus, repulsed.  

"Well, dearest, looks like we missed them.  What a shame, really, I think those menacles in my office are still as good as ever…"  He sighed heavily. "Come, sweet, perhaps Peeves is up to something we can finally get him on."  The cat meowed one last time and left after her owner.  The door shut quietly behind them.

Remus breathed out.  Finally, Sirius could get out from under his robes and they could try and get back to the dormitory.  Really, he never should have agreed to this stupid expedition, what was he thinking?!  Remus' robes came into view as the charm wore off and were now bulging greatly.  Why was Sirius still under there, anyway?

"Ummm…Sirius?  Padfoot?"  His voice broke and he flushed, knowing that all of his secrets were now out.  He really didn't want to face Sirius just then, but if the choice was between his erection and his blush, he would take the blush any day of the week.  "You can come out now, it's safe."  Finally, he felt Sirius creep out from under his clothes and breathed a sigh of relief.  It was getting quite difficult, grinding his arse into the wall just to avoid any contact with any part of Sirius' body and his pelvis. 

When all of Sirius emerged, Remus turned away and made to open the door, but a hand on top of his stopped him.  

"Sirius, we should get back to the dorm, in case you haven't figured it out…"  Remus hadn't turned around and was trying to escape as quickly as possible.  

"I have figured it out," came the quiet response.  Remus suddenly felt cold.  "Turn around Moony…c'mon."  Sirius' voice was gentle, yet insistant.  

"Why?  We need to go, I really think we should –"

"Please, Remus.  C'mon…turn."  Deft hands grabbed his shoulders and wheeled him around until he was facing Sirius. "Remus.  I know you know.  You've got to.  Why are you so afraid?"

"Am not." 

"So, what is it, then?"  Sirius was trying to catch his eye and Remus finally relented.  They looked at each other for a moment, eyes flickering over faces.  Everything became clear and hazy all at once, and Remus only had time to wonder at such a strange occurrence, when Sirius kissed him.  On the lips.  For about a minute.  Remus was pretty sure that the only thing to do now was respond in kind.  

An hour later, the two had finally returned to their dormitory.  One out of five beds remained empty until the early morning, when a disheveled but smug and smiling figure slinked through its curtains.  Two satisfied sighs were almost lost in the sound of the rushing breeze that came from the open window, revealing the sunrise.

~FIN~    


End file.
